Sexual assault secret held for years


 

This Dear Abby has a lot of freight to it and because Sexual Assault is the secret affliction no one talks about, I wanted to highlight some points on this. My comments and observations are at the end.

Rape Victim Has Kept It a Secret for Decades
- October 19, 2021 -

DEAR ABBY: Thirty-five years ago I was raped by a stranger. He told me he would kill me if I ever told anyone. I never told my husband (now ex-), mostly because I was afraid if I did he would never touch me again. So I lived with the secret. It eventually tore our marriage apart and we divorced.
Although we have both moved on and remarried, we have remained in touch. I am 60 now and he is 64. I yearn to tell him the story before one of us leaves this Earth. I want him to understand and hopefully forgive me for the events that drove us apart. The need to tell him is so strong, I cry about it. Please advise me on this. -- STILL NOT OVER IT IN MARYLAND
DEAR STILL NOT OVER: If it will bring you comfort, reveal the secret you hid from your ex-husband. However, before you do, I urge you to first disclose it to someone trained to help victims of rape. If there's a rape treatment center near you, please make an appointment. If there isn't one, a referral from your doctor to a licensed mental health professional would also be beneficial. Trust me on that.
---------------
1. Sexual assault is a traumatic experience that can leave a trail of fallout like a nuclear explosion long after the event. Broken relationships, PTSD, mistrust, drug addiction, nightmares, flashbacks.
Consider, for 35 years this couple and the husband dealt with stuff, he didn’t even know why he was dealing with it.
Imagine waking up from nightmares and not being able to tell your husband.

2. Time does not always heal the wounds. Sexual assault requires learned coping mechanisms and therapy.

3. Notice the woman says “…and hopefully forgive me for the events that drove us apart.”
The dynamic between a rape survivor and their partner can be very difficult and there must be understanding, openness and support in both directions. Neither of them can traverse the healing alone.

4. Abby gives a good point – before your reveal the secret, discuss with someone trained. Many people have been re-hurt when the person they disclose to, did not response well. People being told about a sexual assault simply don’t always have good coping skills and will end up saying injurious things.

5. Lastly there is hope. If you are a sexual assault survivor, you are not doomed to be trapped in a destructive cycle.
The Care Center with SPHS https://pcv.pccd.pa.gov/pages/details.aspx?county=Washington

https://www.rainn.org/
Or you can reach out to me privately and I can advise.
fullcirclekarate@yahoo.com

If you’ve found this to be helpful, please share. Someone might need to hear it!

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